Thursday 23 June 2016

Descriptive Writing


He started off as an innocent carnival clown. Someone who you trusted with your children. Until one day… Simon the creepy carnival clown was up on a high platform in front of all the people attending the carnival. He had a small eight-year-old boy with him, the boy had won a contest to spend the day with the awkward clown. The platform was quite small, they had to stand close together to prevent themselves from falling. The small boy peered down at his proud parents, smiling and waving. The clown saw that the boy was too close to the edge, he reached out and grabbed the boy’s shirt. An overwhelming feeling took over the clown. He felt as powerful as the president and he loved it . He, an awkward carnival clown, could save or end this young boy’s life. He watched in horror as the small boy fell over fifty meters to the hard ground awaiting him.


He could hear the police sirens from back at the carnival but he was long gone. He carjacked the nearest car with an old woman sitting inside.
Simon knew he had to ditch the car soon but he kept driving, wanting to get as far away as possible. When he came to the nearest red light, he stopped the car and got out calmly. Simon walked into the nearest dank alleyway. He wasn’t surprised when he saw a couple of dead mice littering the walk way. He didn’t stop walking until the darkness had consumed him. When he was sure no one could see him he sat down not sure what to do next. He was crestfallen, he hadn’t meant to let go of the boy. He was just another failure sitting in a damp alleyway. He felt as cold as a winter's day even though it’s the middle of summer.  

The carnival clown heard a noise, someone or something was trying to get his attention. He looked around but all he could see was a slimy frog, staring at him intently. The clown almost jumped out of his costume when the frog said “The cops are almost here…run.” The clown scrambled, trying to climb the wall like a cat climbing up curtains. He then heard the sirens. ‘This has got to be the end of me’ the saddened clown thought as he fell once again to the ground. Soon the flashlights of a police squad blinded him. He was forced onto his stomach and handcuffed. It took three police officers to drag the distraught clown to their awaiting van. The now convicted carnival clown, was sentenced to a life time in jail for murder. Although to this day, he still thinks about the talking frog he saw in the dank, dark alleyway.

11 comments:

  1. Hi Mackenzie,
    I like this story alot because you used alot of descriptive words to describe the creepy clown.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Mackenzie, I thought your story was great and it flowed making it easy to read. I like how you added alliteration and similes.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Mackenzie, I thought your story was really well written. I loved your dialogue and the interesting words you use.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Im Maddie. I like your story its creative and awesome have you thought you would ever make another one but bigger thanks.Bye

    ReplyDelete
  5. Amazing! I liked how you used correct punctuation in the correct place of your writing.I was so amazed when I read it.Your writing is very interesting my mind was blown away.

    KEEP IT UP!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Mackenzie i'm Emily from Templeton School. I absolutely love this story, and you have used very good vocabulary. I couldn't stop reading and i would love to see more writing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Mackenzie i'm Emily from Templeton School. I absolutely love this story, and you have used very good vocabulary. I couldn't stop reading and i would love to see more writing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. You have lots of structure in your writing it was such a good peace of writing i love it

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Mackenzie I'm Niamh from Templeton school. WOW I think your story is fantastic. Your story was very descriptive.I would love to read another story.

    ReplyDelete
  10. hello my name is Tasman i rely liked your story keep it up
    cya

    ReplyDelete
  11. Heyy, I'm Faith from Blaketown school.
    I like how you described the clowns feelings, I think you could focus a bit more on the story and the boy dieing,I remember when I wrote a story and a boy died and there was a murderer and everything, are you going to be writing another story sometime?
    Bye

    ReplyDelete

Please structure your comments as follows:
Positive - Something done well
Thoughtful - A sentence to let us know you actually read/watched or listened to what they had to say
Helpful - Give some ideas for next time or Ask a question you want to know more about

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.